


At Least We're Not Feanor

by MsBluebell



Series: Recovery [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aki Shirogane is a dork, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gen, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Keith and Shiro are Adoptive Siblings, Legend of Zelda References, Mother-Son Relationship, Moving On, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Shiro (Voltron) is a Mess, Shiro is barely in this, Suicidal Thoughts, The Lord of the Rings References, Touch-Starved Keith (Voltron), Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-15 18:39:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13619325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsBluebell/pseuds/MsBluebell
Summary: Life goes on after the trial. Keith and Aki try to move on one day at a time.





	At Least We're Not Feanor

**Author's Note:**

> This story is about Abuse & Recovery. Warnings have been applied in the tags.

It was around the time that Keith started classes at middle school he realized just how bad his issues with Ma and Pa ran. Aki had warned him that it would be hard, that there would be more bad days than good, but he had somehow thought it would be a bit easier than this. That, somehow, he could pull through and make it through this without any issues.  
  
He was wrong.  
  
There were too many people in the halls; crammed so close together that there was hardly room to breath. None of the kids were quite touching, but there were mere inches between Keith and the strangers at any given time. The counselor leading him to his locker also drew too much attention from the huddled masses; drawing whispers and overlong gazes toward him. He sank his face into the knitted scarf; as if that would hid him from the world.  
  
It was hard to breath.  
  
The air felt too heavy; far too heavy. And the noise was too cluttered and loud. Keith hadn’t even been here an hour and he already wanted to go home. This school was much bigger and fuller than his last school, and being the new kid came with too much attention. He wanted to curl into the corner and take a moment to breath.  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
Keith would have liked to be shown his classroom and left to silently find a quiet seat somewhere near the back of the classroom. Instead, he is introduced to the class and teacher as publicly as could be announced to one room. Each of his classmates stared at him with some level of curiosity or apathy, but all the eyes were on him nonetheless.  
  
He sank into the seat the teacher pointed him towards silently; trying to make himself as small as possible to avoid attention.  
  
His classmates’ attention turn back to the teacher, and the lesson goes on.  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
Keith silently slinks between each class until lunch time. He has a red lunch bag, filled with leftovers from dinner last night, bought in hopes that he could make it through the day with a meal in him. His relationship with food is still uncomfortable, and he just can't face the thought of eating food that wasn't from home. It’s when he’s in line for the cafeteria microwaves that everything goes wrong.  
  
It’s not anyone’s fault, really, these things just happens sometimes. One of the guys at the lunch table next to him jumps up and makes to playfully punch at his friend. It’s something guys in middle school do everyday, and it’s something Keith didn’t know he couldn’t handle.  
  
All he can see is Pa throwing another fist.  
  
He drops his food and bolts; ignoring the teachers in charge of watching the cafeteria.  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
The teachers find him in the nearest bathroom and force him to go to the counselor’s office. The counselor works Keith through his panic attack, but end up calling Aki anyways. He feels guilt and shame pool beneath his skin. His foster mother had been worried enough about him when she dropped him off this morning, and now he’d proven that her fears were well founded.  
  
It doesn’t take long for her to arrive; forty minutes at most. She rushes into the office hurriedly, worry clear on her face, and immediately zeros in on him. “What happened?”  
  
“He had a panic attack during lunch.” The councilor informs coolly, before Keith can try and salvage the situation. Keith sends a brief but resentful glare toward the man when a distressed noise burst from his foster mother's lips.  
  
Aki plops down in the chair next to him; leaning her elbows onto the councilor’s desk. She’s still covered in coffee grinds from work; smelling strongly of allspice and nutmeg. She rushed to be here in the middle of her shift; Keith realizes with dread.  
  
They sit there and talk, mostly, trying to figure out how to keep this from happening again. It’s only his first day here and they’re already making plans for him; throwing ideas at him before eventually settling on a solution.  
  
He’s given a special pass to go with his school ID. He’ll be permitted to eat his lunch in the school library from now on, so long as he doesn’t damage any of the books. They place it in the back of a protective card holder, clipped on a neck holder decorated in his school icon, and the principle signs off on the pass before sealing it forever. He’s given an excused absence for the rest of the day; which was only two more classes anyway.  
  
Aki takes him home after that; assuring him that he’d done nothing wrong the whole way. That she was proud of him and he’d done a good job; especially on his first day.  
  
Keith wishes he could believe that.  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
Aki drives them straight back to the café, but doesn’t start working again until she has him seated at an isolated table in the corner. She doesn’t hover or constantly watch him, something he’s grateful for, but her eyes do find him every now and again.  
  
Keith takes this time to try and work on the homework he’d managed to get. He tells himself that it’s a better, more pragmatic, option than thinking about stupid kids at school or Pa’s fists.  
He still sees it though; that student jumping up and swinging at another kid like it was nothing.  
  
Keith chucks a pencil at the wall; fustrated with his still shaking hands.  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
Baba cooks dinner that night.  
  
While the African woman worked away at the stove, Aki ushered him towards the living room and sat him down on the couch. There’s another coffee cup in her hands, but she’s restrained herself to expresso free chai lattes lately. She takes three long sips of her drink before turning towards him; her overlarge T-shirt hanging loosely off her shoulders and pajama pants falling over her toes.  
  
“Alright.” She rubs her hands together in false cheer. “Time to talk about school.”  
  
“I don’t want to.” Keith groans, already dreading the entire course of the conversation. “I rather talk about Shiro’s stupid crush again.”  
  
“Shiro’s crush is dumb and I’ve heard enough about it.” Aki scoffs. “And we need to have this conversation, honey. Communication is important and whatnot, or would you rather call up Dr. Bellamy?”  
  
He hated going to Dr. Bellamy. Aki knew him too well.  
  
“Alright.” Keith gives in. He may be a fighter, but he knows a loosing battle when he sees one.  
  
“Good.” Aki hums, taking another sip of her chai. “First things first: Mental Health days.”  
  
“What?” Keith raises an eyebrow.  
  
“We should have talked about this sooner, but I wanted you to get through your first day before we set these rules. That’s my fault.” Aki leans back, settling her feet onto the couch. “Basically, I’m giving you five days where all you have to do is tell me you’re taking a Mental Health days and I’ll let you stay out of school; no questions asked.”  
  
“Five whole days?” Keith is astonished. Ma and Pa wouldn’t let him out of school if he was running a temperature in the hundreds. The idea that Aki would just let him stay out of school without questions seemed strange in comparison.  
  
“Yep.” Aki hummed. “Five days. Whenever you feel like it’s too much and you just can’t seem to get up, all you have to do is tell me you’re using one of your days and I’ll let you off. You only get five freebies though, so I’d save those up. That doesn’t include sick days or days I ask you to stay home either.”  
  
Aki settles her cup on the edge of the coffee table. “I’d give you more, but school will automatically fail you if you miss more than ten unexcused days.”  
  
“So, what you’re saying is.” Keith tries to sum up her words. “I get five really awful days off.”  
  
“Yeeeeep.” Aki nods.  
  
Keith blinks. “Alright.”  
  
“Alright.” Aki jumps up, walking towards the kitchen. “Good talk Sweet Heart.”  
  
“…Is that it?” Keith calls after her, confused by the lack of mention to todays events.  
  
“No.” Aki pauses at the doorway, back facing him. “We've got a lot more to talk about, but we'll take this one day at a time.”  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
The next day he eats lunch in the library. Nibbling on a sandwich at one of the back tables over a random book he'd grabbed off the shelf. He’s alone here, with no one but the librarian shuffling about, and more at peace than yesterday.  
  
Yet…  
  
He feels alone.  
  
He's fine with being by himself, comfortable even, but only when it's on his terms. Even he want to make connections and be with people; even if he was just silently sitting with them. Here, in this library, he feels empty.  
  
“It's better than freaking out in front of half the school.” He scolds himself, forcing another bite of his sandwich down his throat.  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
He realizes that the empty feeling doesn't go away.  
  
Even when he's sitting next to Aki in her car, listening to her drone on about her shift in the café, it doesn’t quite fill with warmth the way it should. It's strange, because Aki was his living source of warmth and comfort, and the thought that she might not be enough anymore is frightening.  
  
It's not like he doesn’t enjoy here company, or that she doesn't make him happy, it's…  
  
He just wants to lay down and sleep, the realization dawns on him, sleep and never wake up again.  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
Tragedy struck again during lunch at school when Keith looks up from his meal to see his classmate, Blake Clayton, and noticing that he had the most pretty blue eyes he’d ever seen. Which, in Keith’s humble opinion, wasn’t fair. He was already disgusting enough without being like this.  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
He waifs by the next few days, stuck in an empty routine of schoolwork and tentatively sketching in his room. He goes through the motions, feeling nothing even as he partakes in hobbies.  
  
There's the occasional release, when Aki smiles or when Shiro video calls from the Garrison, but the empty feeling crawls back eventually. It's like a sieve, draining away all the joy in his life slowly. He wonders how he hadn’t noticed it before.  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
He still loves motorcycles and hover bikes, but Stan doesn’t have as much time as he used to. Nevertheless, they meet about once a month to continue the lessons.  
  
He doesn’t know if it's a good thing or not.  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
One of the good things about living with Aki; she's been through all this “Recovery” stuff before. She also seemed to be similar enough to him in nature that it would make sense that she would have felt like he does at one point.  
  
He waits until after his homework is done before he approaches her. She's well settled by the; lounging on the couch with her feet resting on the table, Holocene flipped on, and coffee cup in hand. She smiles at him as he approaches. “Done with your homework?”  
  
“Yea.” He answers softly, slipping next to her. He turns to watch the screen for a moment, studying a brown-haired man with a metal arm on screen. Aki grabs the remote and flips the channel, settling on a brightly colored cartoon instead.  
  
“I'm not a baby.” He reminds her gently.  
  
“Never said you were.” Aki laughs. “ This is for me. I love cartoons.”  
  
Keith hums, not quite believing her. “What were you watching?”  
  
“One of those old Marvel movies.” Aki smiles. “You probably heard of it; ‘The Winter Soldier'. I don't know why, I just love the character so much.”  
“I've never seen any of those movies.” Keith states ideally.  
  
“We'll have to start watching them together one day.” Aki smiles into her coffee cup. “But, for now, I obviously need to show you that cartoons are amazing.”  
  
Keith settles himself into comfortable position; deciding that gathering his thoughts and figuring out the right words was probably better than jumping the gun anyway.  
  
That line of thinking lasts about one episode before he jams the mute button on the remote. Turning to face his confused foster mother, he looses a bit of his nerve at the sight of her concerned expression, but regains himself quick enough.  
  
“Aki…” He fumbles a bit here, not quite sure how to put his feelings into words. He's not used to this, might never be used to this, and all the love his new family had to give wouldn't fix that. “…I…have some questions.”  
  
“What is it, Sweetie?” His foster mother leans forward, worry etching itself well into her voice. He feels guilty, extraordinarily guilty, for worrying her all the time. He doesn’t want to be a burden, but that's all he ever seems to have been.  
  
“I…” His words fail him, but he's gone to far to quit now. It he tries to blow it off she'll just worry for the rest of the day, and that's far worse than just getting this conversation out of the way. So, like ripping off a band aid, he continued. “It's about Bad Days.”  
  
Aki sucks a sharp breath between her teeth. “What do you need to know?”  
  
“Do you…” Keith waves a hand in frustration. “Have you ever just..”  
  
Aki waits for him to gather himself; infuriatingly patient with him. That's the thing about Aki; she's always just so patient. It makes him hate himself for being so frustrating and angry. He already knows he's not good enough to be here, as part of the Shirogane family, but she keeps proving it.  
  
It makes him want to…  
  
“Do you ever just want to lay down and never wake up again?” He forces the question out.  
  
Aki closes her eyes, a softly pained look painting her features. She doesn't yell, or cry, or ignore the problem. She just takes a deep breath and opens he eyes again.  
  
“Yes.” She admits, her brutal honesty back in place. He stares him dead in the eye as she answers, unwilling to lie to him after such a serious confession. “All the time.”  
  
“Does it…go away?” Keith leans in, desperate to find the answer.  
  
Aki hums again. “Sometimes.”  
  
“Sometimes?” Keith pulls at his hair. “What do you mean sometimes?”  
  
“Don't pull your hair.” Aki scolds him. “It's too pretty to ruin.”  
  
Keith isn't amused at all.  
  
“And…” Aki leans her face on her palm, letting her elbow find support on her knee. “…I mean that it's something that's gonna come with the bad days. You just haven't noticed it until now because of all that was going on.”  
  
Keith frowns deeply at the news, not satisfied at all with the answer he received.  
  
“Look, Sweetie.” Aki sighs deeply. “Imma share a hard truth with you.”  
  
Keith winches at that, because it was always something ugly he didn't want to hear when she said that. Another thing about living with Aki; she seldom ever spared the truth. He mentally prepared himself for the onslaught, already knowing it wouldn't be enough.  
  
“You're suicidal.” Aki stated flatly.  
  
“What? No!” Keith jumped. “I don't want to kill myself.”  
  
“But you want to die.” Aki argues lightly. “You just said so. And wanting to die is a pretty good definition of being suicidal. You're just more casual about it than most.”  
  
“Casual.” Keith spits.  
  
“Yea.” Aki nods, ignoring his attitude. “Like, you're not going to kill yourself anytime soon, but it wouldn't be too bad it something else did.”  
  
Keith wanted to argue.  
  
He couldn't.  
  
“Trust me, hun.” Aki props her feet on the coffee table again. “I know all about it.”  
  
“You…” Keith hesitates. “You said it goes away sometimes.”  
  
“Yep.” Aki nods. “I'm not going to lie, Keith, it’s a deep hole you've found yourself in. And it's a lot harder crawling out than falling in.”  
  
“How do I start crawling out?”  
  
Aki hums again. “That's a hard question.”  
  
“It's not the same for everyone.” Aki starts. “But I know what I'm like.”  
  
Keith tilts his head, indicating his willingness to listen.  
  
“Well…” Aki searches for the right place to start; not that there's ever a right place for theses kinds of conversations. “You need constant validation. Compliments only make you feel better for a day or so before the doubt sets in again. Even when you know people love you, you'll need constant reminders. Even then it might not be enough on really bad days. You're going to be clingy about it too, because you're just not sure it's true until someone convinces you. And insults, they stick much longer, you don’t forget them like you do validation.”  
  
She says “you” the whole time, like she wasn't talking about herself. And maybe that was her way of distancing herself from this; to make it easier to say.  
  
“You're gonna have constant anxiety about your friends, and every little jab they make is gonna hit home too much. They'll jokingly call you stupid and you'll believe it, because your abuser put that in your head and made you believe it.”  
  
She pauses, taking a shaky breath. “That's what this all comes back to. The things your abusers put in your head. They made you believe their lies at some point, and even though you know it's a bunch of crap…”  
  
“They made you feel worthless.” She breaths it out, like it's some long hidden confession she hide even from herself. “Like you don't deserve to live. They convinced you it was true, and twenty years isn't enough to make that go away.”  
  
Aki looks at him, her eyes glassy, face firm and filled with something he couldn't recognize. “Keith, can I hug you?”  
  
He blinked, startled, but nodded his acceptance.  
  
Aki reaches her hands around him slowly, as if afraid sudden movement will startle him, and snakes her arms gently around him. She nuzzles her face into his neck, and he could feel the tears lightly dampen his skin. He wraps his on arms around her waist, sliding his hands upward to grip beneath her shoulders.  
  
It's their second hug, and it's just as sad and warm as the first.  
  
“I love you, Sweet Heart.” Aki mutters softly.  
  
It startles him; downright scares him. He can't remember the last time he heard those words, not even from dad back in their little desert shack, and hearing them here, now, from Aki…  
  
“You're one of the best things to ever happen to me.” Aki continues. “And I want you to know that my life is better with you in it, and I'll always be thankful you're here.”  
  
Thereare tears in his own eyes now, but he doesn't pull away. Instead, he buries himself into the warm hug.  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
They somehow end up a total mess on the floor. Both of them have long given up on speaking, and they silently lay there, holding each other.  
  
Eventually, though, Aki finds the will to speak again. “I should have called Baba, there's no way I'm getting around to cooking tonight.”  
  
“Sandwiches?” Keith supplies.  
  
“Sounds good to me.” Aki forces them both upward, whipping the remains of tears from her eyes.  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
Aki now takes a little time everyday to pull him aside and remind him that she loves him; always with a warm smile and a request for a hug. Sometimes Keith accepts the hugs, other times he shakes her off and goes about his day.  
  
But everyday she tries, and he appreciates it more than he knows how to say.  
  
He opens a sketchbook instead, and begins to draw.  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
Keith finds Aki curled up in her pajamas the next morning, a cup of coffee resting beside her. Her legs dangle loosely from the island stool. There's a book set out in front of her, thick and green with vines decorating the sides. She seems far more content than yesterday, which relieves him a bit.  
  
“Hey Sweetie.” Aki sends him a small wave. “What are you doing up so early on a Saturday?”  
  
“No reason.” Keith answers; rubbing his eyes. He eyes the book on the table. “What are you reading?”  
  
“The Hobbit.” Aki grins proudly. “I get it out whenever I feel down.”  
  
Keith hums, a habit he's been picking up from the Shiroganes. “What's it about?”  
  
Keith expected a lot of things: a soft explanation of the plot, a chuckle, or maybe Aki waving off the book as unimportant and changing the topic. What he didn't expect was the pained noise that erupted from her mouth, a look of physical distress painting her features.  
  
“You've never heard of The Hobbit.” She groaned. “Y'know? Tolkien?”  
  
“No…” Keith blinked, confused.  
  
“That.” Aki states flatly, patting the stool next to her. “Is a tragedy of the highest order. Sit down, Sweetie, we're fixing this right now.”  
  
He slips onto the seat, the hem of his pajama pants falling past his toes as his legs dangle freely, he leans over the book and watches Aki flip back to the first page. The colorful pictures stand out on the laminated pages, interwoven with the slightly cursive lettering. It's a pretty book, he'll give it that.  
  
“Luckily for you.” Aki grins proudly, finger tapping against the front page lightly, free hand lightly coming to rest on his shoulder. It's absent minded, something casual she probably did with Shiro all the time, but it's the first time she's ever touched him without asking first. He can't help but fixate on it, freezing up for a moment before allowing himself to tentatively melt into the almost hug. “This is the illustrated Jemima Catlin edition. You're in for a real treat!”  
  
“Alright! Here we go!” Aki excitingly leans forward, bringing Keith with her. “In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit…”  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
Aki is a hardcore Tolkien fan, and she was intent on turning him into one too.  
  
Over the years she had collected all of his books, each one a hardcover and illustrated edition of the work, lovingly displayed on a bookshelf in her bedroom. There were other fantasy novels as well, but Tolkien's works hard the front most attention.  
  
Aki's whole room is fantasy themed, actually, with stuffed dragons and unicorn bedroom slippers she'd never been brave enough to wear around the house while he was here because she “wanted to be the cool mom.” Now that she was exposed as “a complete dork” she had no inhibitions and dragged him onto the bed to read through whole chapters of her books whenever they both had the free time.  
  
Despite himself, Keith was drawn into the works by Aki's enthusiasm. Slowly, he finds himself enjoying these moments. It feels like they're really bonding now, growing closer over shared knowledge and enjoyment of these silly and tragic stories. It isn't long before they're joking about characters. “At least we're not Feanor” becomes a common phrase around the house whenever someone messes up something or losses their temper.  
  
It isn’t long before they're and openly comparing characters to people they know.  
  
“I'm telling you, Hun.” Aki is dramatically waving her hands around; sitting cross legged on her bed,. They've been arguing for the past five minutes now, and neither of them is giving an inch. “Shiro is Elrond.”  
  
“No, he's Aragorn.” Keith claps his hands on his knees angrily. “He’s got the perfect personality.”  
  
“No. Elrond is a better fit. He's nine-hundred percent done with this world and so is Shiro.” Aki argues vehemently. “I know he secretly rolls his eyes at everyone.”  
  
“Shiro and Aragorn are both naturally born leaders that hold the value of other people over themselves.” Keith retaliates hotly.  
  
“Aragorn is a reluctant ruler who rises to the occasion because he wants to redeem his ancestors’ fuckups.” Aki leans in. “Face it, Keith, your only real point of argument is weakened by circumstance.”  
  
“Elrond doesn’t fit!” Keith throws his hands in the air, frustrated. “His entire motivation behind his actions is because of his innumerable loss! Everyone he's ever had, from his mom to his wife, have left him, and that drives all his decisions. Shiro has lots of people in his life who would never leave him! Like Aragorn!”  
  
Aki blinks at that, bewildered by the turn the argument took. “I've never thought of it from that angle.”  
  
“It makes the most sense.” Keith leans in, gleeful to have found an edge over his foster mother, not noticing the concern edging her features as he goes on to argue his point. “Aragorn has a huge support system that are very loyal to him, including a beautiful and powerful fiancée and loving found family. Elrond, on the other hand, has been abandoned by everyone.”  
  
“Right.” Aki mutters lowly. “Alright, you win, Shiro is Aragorn.”  
  
Keith grins, letting the satisfaction of victory wash over him. “But you and I are too smart to be either of them, we're clearly hobbits.”  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
Keith finds himself dragged into the world of fantasy quite happily as Aki works through her collections. She never reads anything too graphic, mindful of violence within the novels, but mythical wars seem safe enough for them. She starts small, with books the ‘The Last Unicorn' and moves from there. It isn't long before they're bonding over movie adaptations and poking fun at the bad acting in most of them.

It’s during this time that things go wrong.  
  
The movie had been nice, not well acted, but funny and stupid in a way that they could laugh at and enjoy. The movie came highly recommended by the comments on their streaming channel, and the bright colors and fairly low rating made it seem safe.  
  
Until the main love interest was being thrown on the ground by the villain, her clothes being ripped off and she screams as she tries to fight him off. It's not well animated, but the acting is taken up a notch.  
  
Enough to almost sound real.  
  
Keith dives for the remote. He's not sure if anything more is going to happen, but he's not taking the risk. He hits the power button as quickly as he can, watching the screen collapse in itself.  
  
The sound of silence rings heavy in his ears afterword, and all is still.  
  
Aki is frozen in place, her eyes glazed over. Keith is frozen too, unsure of what to do or if a sudden movement would set her off.  
  
It's a terrible few minutes of frozen silence before anything happens.  
  
Aki doubles over and vomits all over the hardwood floor.  
  
“Sorry.” She mutters between spirts of vomit, hand trying to cover her mouth in a feeble attempt at keeping the floor clean. “I’m sorry, I'm sorry.”  
  
She just sits there muttering over and over again. “I’m sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.”  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
After all is said and done, and everything is cleaned up, Aki declares that she's going to shower and that he shouldn’t wait up on her.  
  
She doesn't come out of the bathroom for hours.  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
The worst part about trauma is that there's not much you can do about it. Everyone is different, and copes different, and the effects creep up on you in sudden moments rather than giving a warning. It also took a while to shake off the aftereffects of being triggered, or at least that's what Dr. Bellamy told him.  
  
Aki tries to be strong, to shake off what happened, but he can tell by the glazed look in her eyes that she’s not over it.  
  
“It's like reliving those traumatic moments.” Dr. Bellamy explained calmly. “You likely won’t feel safe for a time.”  
  
There had been lots of practices and techniques they'd given him to cope, but nothing seemed to help once he needed it. Nothing seemed to help him feel safe. And it's worse because he wasn't even the one who was triggered and he still felt shaken. Baba is forced to stay over for a few days, her withered face drawn in worry as she helps shepherd them through the days.  
  
“Don’t worry, Baby.” She says in her thick accent. “Ole' Baba gonna' take real good care o' you.”  
  
He doesn’t feel safe.  
  
♤♡◇♧☆

Some days, Keith wishes there were certian foods he could eat that didn't make him remember the feel of Ma's hands pushing him into a plate. That, maybe, he could pick up a spoonfull of beans without remembering long nails in his skull. Food shouldn't be something he was scared to eat, but it takes time before he can trust anything in front of him. Meals Ma used to make are especially hard to face, and Keith is embarassed that he can only push small bits around his plate instead of taking small bites.

Food is something he needs; not something he can avoid.

He picks up a spoon, trying to forget Ma's dark shadow behind him, knowing it wasn't really there.

♤♡◇♧☆  
  
One piece of advice Keith had quickly learned while living with Aki? When in doubt, call Shiro.  
  
He did exactly that.  
  
While Shiro didn't always answer right away, being busy with Garrison work and all, he did tend to call back very quickly. Luckily for him, Keith seemed to have caught his brother at a good time.  
  
“Hey, little buddy.” Shiro waves happily over the video call. Several nosey people in the background are trying to peer at the screen; a bit obvious in their spying. “How are you?”  
  
“I've been doing…” Keith waves a hand. “…alright.”  
  
“That's good to hear.” Shiro smiles reassuringly. “I was worried about you.”  
  
“I'm fine, really.” Keith shrugs.  
  
And he is, more fine than he has been. He's working through it, slowly and at his own pace, and Aki helps most days. It's a slow and uphill crawl, and sometimes he slips back down a bit, but he's getting there. Aki is the one he's worried about right now.  
  
“So.” Shiro leaned forward happily. “How can I help you?”  
  
“I’m just calling to see how you’re doing.” Keith mumbled, red and knowing how bad the lie probably sounded. “Seeing if you’re eating well; checking how that crush is going.”  
  
Shiro audibly groaned at the mention of the crush. He buried his face in his hands, his shoulders slumping, and the tips of his ears turned beet red. Keith had never seen a man look so defeated.  
  
“What happened?” Keith asked, bewildered by his brother’s sudden defeated expression.  
  
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Shiro groaned.  
  
“Aki is going to find out one way or another.” Keith stated bluntly. “Might as well let me tell her.”  
  
The look on Shiro’s face was the single most pitiful thing Keith had ever seen, and he’d once been subjected to Annabeth’s heartbreaking cries. “I tried confessing to her.”  
  
“Didn’t go well I take it.”  
  
“No.” Shiro grimaced. “It was awful. A downright tragedy.”  
  
“Tell me about it.” Keith leaned forward, feeling a weird sense of excitement at the thought of Shiro’s embarrassment, but hiding it for the elder brother’s sake.  
  
“I tried to tell her she looked nice today.” Shiro explained. “But I also wanted to tell her that I like her, so it all became jumbled up and I end up shouting “I look nice today” right to her face.”  
Keith’s brows furrow. “That’s not too bad.”  
  
“Just wait.” Shiro sighs. “So, obviously, I’m trying to explain that I got jumbled up when my friend Matt Holt runs by and trips. He had a freshly opened can of Spaghetti-Os. They flew all over her. She was covered in them.”  
  
“Alright.” Keith admitted. “That’s worse, but not your fault.”  
  
“Well, she started yelling at him.” Shiro explained. “And I thought she took it a little too far, it was just an accident. So I told her so, and do you want to know what she said to me?”  
  
“Kind of.” Keith really, really wanted to know.  
  
“She said, and I quote; “I’m not going to take that shit from someone who…"  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
Keith relates the story to Aki over dinner that night. His foster mother tries and fails to hide a chuckle behind her coffee cup. It’s the happiest he’s seen her in a while...  
  
“That’s what he gets.” She snickers. “He’s had crushes before, but this one was particularly stupid.”  
  
“Am I gonna have to hear about the next girl the way I heard about this one?” Keith asks with a relieve smile, sinking back into his oversized T-shirt.  
  
“I hope not.” Aki pulls at her pajama pants. “The next one will probably be a guy. Every time these things go South he ends up jumping the fence.”  
  
That causes Keith to pause.  
  
“A guy?” Keith questions softly.  
  
“Yep.” Aki says, popping the p. “Shiro’s Bi, so he likes guys _and_ girls.”  
  
“You can do that?” Keith leans in. “And it’s alright?”  
  
“Yea.” Aki trails off as she studies his reaction. “Did someone tell you otherwise?”  
  
Aki isn’t angry, but she’s veering on it. Her face is slowly morphing into the look she gets whenever he talks about Ma and Pa. Keith doesn’t even know why she asks at this point, everything wrong about his perceptions on life usually lead back to them.  
  
“No.” Keith's technically telling the truth here. Pa had never outright said that it was wrong; it was just the disgusted way Pa and his friends talked about them that clued him in. It had never occurred to him that Pa and his friends were wrong. “Just wondering.”  
  
Aki doesn't look convinced. “Alright then.”  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
With a newfound outlook, Keith starts paying more attention to the guys in his classes.  
  
He'd never paid attention to the girls before, and it never occurred to him that there may have been a reason for that. Now that he was paying attention to the guys, though, he could tell why. Guys were… they just…  
  
They sure were great.  
  
_Oh no._  
  
He's becoming Shiro.  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
Keith decides to drown his sorrows by eating all him lactose free ice-cream on the couch with a Korean soap opera playing on the Holoscreen.  
  
Aki walks in, takes one look at him, and sighs heavily. Her eyes settle on the roof for a good minute before she finds the inner strength to look at him. “You wanna talk about it?”  
  
“No.” Keith scolds, taking an aggressive bite of his ice-cream.  
  
“You sure?”  
  
Keith slams his spoon on the coffee table, spinning to face his foster mother with all the repressed rage he'd bottled up throughout the day. “Blake Clayton has no right to have such pretty eyes!”  
  
Aki blinks, letting out a tired sigh. “Alright then.”  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
Things are cooling down, the worry brought on by Aki's panic attack slowly ebbing away. Everything is starting to settle back into routine, with homework and sketching and bonding.  
  
But…  
  
Something is edging away. Aki had seem invulnerable to him before, despite her past as a victim, but now, seeing it, Keith knows she was as unsafe as him.  
  
He's strong, he knows that, able to take hit after hit without much trouble. Pa had, at least, toughened him up and given him thick skin. He could throw a punch too, a pretty good one too, but he knows it won't be much good if someone bigger and stronger than him decides to try something. He's not good a dodging, at moving out the way. Pa's techniques involved standing there and taking the hits, but Keith's body is small and too lean for that to work.  
  
He wants to feel safe again, and the only way to do that is to learn how to defend himself.  
  
The problem with that, though, is that he can’t watch people throw punches without seeing Pa's fists or Ma's sharp nails.  
  
Keith doesn’t like talking about these things. In fact, he actively avoids these if he can, but he goes to Aki anyway, because she always seems to have an answer for him.  
  
“Aki.” He strolls up to her purposefully. She raises a brow at him, bringing a coffee cup to her lips, more than familiar with his tone by now, and ready to talk about the hard stuff.  
  
“Yes, my love?” She takes a long sip of her drink, settling into a seat before turning to face him.  
  
Keith sits as well, taking a deep breath and forcing himself to feel the same resolve that helped him decide to have this conversation. “I want to learn how to defend myself.”  
  
Aki raises an eyebrow, taking another sip from her cup. “Okay.”  
  
“But.” Keith continues, ignoring her unsurprised hum. “I also can’t take classes were people try to hit me. Not yet. Not this soon.”  
  
Aki hums in understanding.  
  
“Do you know what I can do?” Keith asks, meeting her eyes expectantly. His foster mother always seemed to have an answer for this sorts of contradictory questions.  
  
Aki hums again, seeming satisfied with the question. “Is that all?”  
  
“Yea.”  
  
Aki smiles, which was surprising considering the fact that he was talking about something potentially triggering. “I have an idea, but I don’t know if you’ll like it.”  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
It anyone ever told him that ballet wasn’t a real and intense sport again, Keith would actually have to destroy them. Ballet, as it turned out, was an intense trail of no mercy that involved perfect control of every muscle in the body, and the instructor was as merciless as his classmates were in catching him up to their level.  
  
Apparently, a lot of athletes and martial artist took ballet to keep up their body strength. Keith had been skeptical at first, but now he doesn’t doubt it.  
  
He was one of only two boys in the class, not that it mattered at all with the other boy dancing leagues around him, and all the girls were hesitant to dance with him because he was a beginner rather than because he was male. His partner in any given expertise helped him, don’t be mistaken, but it was clear he needed intense practice.  
  
Luckily, he also seemed to be a natural, so he wasn’t have much trouble learning the steps. It was more getting his muscles used to the movements than the memorization of technique. Keith had always had good instincts too, so keeping in time with the music or adapting to his partner’s movements wasn’t as much trouble as he thought it would be.  
  
The real issue came with touching. He still wasn’t comfortable with anyone but Aki and Shiro touching him, so letting his instructor or his partner near him was difficult. His hesitance held him back far more than his inexperience, and his instructor insisted he needed to work on relaxing for him to make any progress.  
  
That was when Aki bit the bullet and decided to take the classes with him, grumbling the whole time how she was too old and out of shape for this.  
  
“Ten years of Jiu Jitsu did nothing to prepare me for this.” Aki noted lightly after her first lesson. “You’re lucky I love you, Honey Bun.”  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
Keith finds out that Blake Clayton's sister was in his ballet class in the worst possible way.  
  
“Sup, fag?” Blake slams a fist into Keith’s locker, leaning in too close and smirking at him. His blue eyes no longer look blue, all Keith can see is Pa’s angry brown, all he can hear are Pa’s angry words. Pa was there, ready to fight again, and he knew what to do when Pa wanted to fight.  
  
Keith didn’t even realize he hit Blake until well after he sent the punch to his jaw.  
  
A teacher angrily steps in before a fight can break out in the middle of the hallway, and Keith is sent to the guidance counselor before he can even collect his thoughts properly. All he can hear are the sounds or Pa’s proud voice the entire way.  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
“I’m sorry about my brother.” Cadence Clayton apologizes at their next class. “I know he probably deserved that punch. He’s a bully.”  
  
“He didn’t deserve to be punched in the face for a bad nickname.” Keith denies. “I just freaked out for no reason.”  
  
“A homophobic slur that triggered you is as much a reason to punch someone in the face as any.” Aki pipes in, making her frim opinion on the matter known. “But, yea, we need to work on your reflexively punching people.”  
  
Keith smiles. “At least I’m not Feanor.”  
  
“Dang right.” Aki nods.  
  
Cadence’s brows furrow in confusion, but she stays with them throughout the lesson. Keith thinks it’s her way of apologizing for her brother and looking out for him.  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
Shiro is delighted by Keith's new endeavor.  
  
“Ballet dancers have amazing reflexes and bodily control.” Shiro praises. “It's a good hobby to have. And anything that gets mom working out again can only be good.”  
  
Shiro leans forward, his face way too close to the screen. “You'll have to tell me if you’re in any shows. I'd love to watch them.”  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
Keith still sketches during his free time.  
  
He recent bonding with Aki has given him an idea though, and whenever he's alone he secretly pulls out his sketchbook and practices the details of his new project. He uses his less important pencils on one of his less nice sketch books, before moving on to experiment with different shades and hues of color.  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
Keith gets good grades.  
  
Aki, apparently, thought he deserved a reward for that. She excitingly climbs underneath the Holoscreen in their living room, hooking up a game station she brought out of her room. Keith can only stare, baffled by the pure joy his foster mother shows.  
  
“You're going to love the Nintendo Visor.” Aki grins, rubbing her hands together. On the coffee table are two pairs of sleek visors and an accompanying set of mix-matched red and blue gloves. There's wiring woven into both, but Keith doesn’t put too much thought into it.  
  
“Alright Sweet Heart!” Aki jumps up, clapping her hands. “I've made a Tolkien fan out of you…”  
  
“Maglor is a kidnapper who deserved what he got.” Keith cuts in, grinning at Aki's outraged expression.  
  
“Silence Heathen.” Aki grumbles. “Before we start a war right here, right now.”  
  
Keith keeps his mouth shut, but smiles to himself.  
  
“I've made a Tolkien fan out of you.” Aki starts again, hands on her hips. “But you'll never be a true fantasy fan until you've played Zelda.”  
  
Aki pauses in anticipation, but is only left disappointed when Keith shrugs. “I should have known you'd never heard of it. I even anticipated it, but I'm still upset.”  
  
“Doesn’t matter.” Aki waves the emotion off, a sudden look of excitement overtaking her features. “That just means I get to play your first Zelda game with you.”  
  
“I thought long and hard about it.” His foster mother exclaims as she pulls up a small box with an elven looking man on the front. “And I decided the ‘Ocarina Of Time' remake would be the best place to start, considering it's the center of the whole series.”  
  
Aki settles onto the couch, giddy at the thought of watching him play, grabbing a coffee cup as she settles into her seat. “I've set everything up, just put on the gloves and visors and you should start up the title screen. Don't worry, you'll still be able to hear me, and I'll be watching on the screen the whole time.”  
  
Keith smiles, and slips on the Visor, letting himself be dragged into a different world.  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
Keith will never forgive Aki for making him love the Zelda games so much.  
  
“Wait until you play ‘Majora's Mask’ or ‘Return to Termina.’” She grins as he slips off the visor. “You'll cry your eyes out.”  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
Keith still has bad days. Days so bad that he wakes up and just lays there, his body weighed down by mental exhaustion, and his mind telling him that there was no way he could make it through the day. It's days like these that he considers using one of his Mental Health days, but then he remembers all the days he missed for the trail and forces his body to get up and move.  
  
He knows he should say something to Aki, but on these days his mind doesn't think straight, and he feels guilt at the mere sight of his foster mother. One theses days he feels worthless, like a burden who inserted himself into someone else's life because of his own selfish fears.  
  
His loneliness eats him alive these days, but can't find it in himself to bother anyone. So he thinks of Annabeth, and Zoe, and Clancy.  
  
He wonders where they are and if they feel this way too.  
  
He knows Aki does, but he just can’t face her. She eventually comes to him, despite how much he tries to hide it, and asks for a hug. She holds him when he can muster the strength to say yes, hums for a bit, and brushes her fingers through his long hair. She never asks him to stay home from school, or eat, or anything other than whether he wants a hug.  
  
Mostly, he ghosts through these days until he can come home and sleep.  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
Aki's bad days are harder to spot than his. She's had twenty years of hiding and practice behind her, and is used to putting on a brave face. But Keith can spot them, because these are days when she doesn't talk about their fantasy books, or curl on the couch with Zelda, or cook a hot dinner in the kitchen.  
  
Keith asks for the hugs on these days; giving her the same curtesy she gives him.  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
Keith feels himself grow stronger and faster with every time he practices ballet. Aki works with him, but she doesn’t quite keep up with him. His reflexes improve rapidly, and he's quickly gaining up on the rest of the class.  
  
He's becoming one of his instructors favorites. “A natural” she calls him over and over; drilling him until he's covered in sweat and his muscles are too sore to move.  
  
It feels good, though, like he can finally be safe.  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
Shiro's dad is a topic they try to avoid.  
  
It surprising, then, when Aki brings him up casually in their living room, like it isn’t a sensitive topic they walked on eggshells to avoid. “My first real date with Johnny was at the ballet.”  
  
Keith’s heart nearly bursts out of his chest, and his limbs fall clumsily to his side. He hurriedly tries to do something, anything, else.  
  
But Aki isn't paying attention anymore. She's standing there, pajamas loose on her body, and her eyes are glued to the ceiling. “I loved Cinderella, you see, identified with her terrible home life. I guess I let it slip to him, and when he asked me to stop being his baby and start being his lady…he took me to see an expensive rendition of the Cinderella ballet.”  
  
Keith's body feels stone-cold, and he doesn’t know what to do.  
  
“That's where I got the ballet idea.” Aki confesses, taking a sip of coffee, her eyes rolling down to meet his. “I didn’t know the lessons would be good for me too.”  
  
♤♡◇♧☆  
  
When Keith is ready to complete his project he has to call on Baba to help him sneak and buy the supplies nessessary to finish it. Luckily, the elderly woman is more than willing to help after a bit of explaining, and convinces Aki that Keith is ready to go out shopping with someone that wasn't named Shirogane. His foster mother is reluctant, at first, but trusts them both enough to send them off; giving Keith extra money incase he saw something he wanted. It was an unessessary gesture, seeing as he's been saving his weekly allowance, but it's sweet nonetheless.

Baba drives him to the art shops in the cotton exchange, where he's familiar with the workers and willing to ask for help, before leaving to pick up some things she needed from other shops. Keith browses the shop for a bit, before settling on asking the girl in charge for help. She smiles at him, and graps what he needs before shoving the iteams in a giant brown-bag. Thankful, he leaves a small tip before leaving to stop by the botany shop and pick up the last of what he needs.

He's done long before Baba, and sits on a bench inside the cafe until she returns. After she picks him up there's more shopping in differnt shops he'd never been to, and a quick stop by the French Quarter before they return home.

Keith has to hurrily sneak his new purchases into his room before Aki sees them. Baba helps him by intercepting his foster mother and starting a long conversation about her "granbaby startin' piano" while Aki nooded emptyly at the older woman's proud story.

Keith is able to successfully hide his purchase long before Baba is done.

♤♡◇♧☆

His project takes a few more days to finish, but when he's done he's proud of it.

It's a canvas drawing; done with watercolor ink pens. An image of the Shire is proudly displayed, with a bright blue sky over the horizon, and grassy-green hills. A hobbit hole surrounded by Aki's favorite plants and flowers is centered first and formost; round door detailed with little vines like her favorite edition of 'The Hobbit'. There's a willow blowing lazily in the breeze, and in the window of the little home, if someone was paying close enough attention, there were images that could vaugely be the Shirogane family and himself.

Keith holds the canvas up, proudly observing every detail of his masterpiece. It'll take a few more days to dry, but he's more than ready to present it to his foster mother.

Patience isn't his virtue, but he forces himself to set aside the gift. It needs to be perfect, afterall.

♤♡◇♧☆

It's Friday that he decides to present Aki with her gift. 

Aki stumbles home from her shift at the cafe with huge bags under her eyes. Tourisim is starting to pick up a bit, and she has a lot more to do at work. Keith had to ride home with Stan, who promised to get Keith a mophed so he'd never be stranded, and finish his homework by himself. His foster mother calls an hour after he gets home, explaining that she would be a bit late, and that he should eat a snack because dinner would be late.

Keith takes in on himself to make dinner.

It's lactose-free Mac & Cheese, one of the only meals he absolutely knows he can make well.

Aki comes home not long after he's done cooking, exhausted from a hard day of work, but more than touched to see he had made her dinner. She quickly stops by her room and changes into her pajams before making it to the living room and plopping down on the couch. She takes the bowl of food he offers, smiling wide at him, before devouring the noodles.

Keith things she may be forcing herself to eat it a bit; he's not that good a cook.

They eat in a comfortable silence; finishing their meals with content.

Aki lets out a relatively relaxed sigh, sinking into her seat, and Keith decides that's the moment to present her with the gift.

"Aki." Keith draws her attention towards him; his hands intertwining with themselves nervously.

"Yes, Sugar Cakes?" Aki hums, one eye popping open to look at him.

Keith reaches where he hid the wrapped canvas under the couch; pulling the gift from the hiding place. Aki leans forward curiously, studying the wrapped gift with interest. Keith gives a small smile before pulling himself back on the couch; reaching out to hand her his work. "I made you a gift."

 The smile that spread across Aki's face put the sun to shame.

"Oh Sweet Heart." Aki gushes, delicately taking the canvas from his hands. "You didn't have to."

"I wanted to." Keith explains, letting his fingers brush past hers for a moment. "To...y'know...because..."

He stumbles over his words again, fustrated with his own lack of verbal skill, he snaps instead. "Just open it!"

Aki brushes it off, still smiling, before slowly unwrapping the gift. Her smile somehow gets even bigger when she seess the drawing, and she holds it abover her head proudly, studying every detail put into the work. Her smile has somehow become even bigger, and he's never seen her eyes go quite so bright. His stomach floods with warmth at the sight, and he can't help but feel proud that he was the one responsible for the expression.

"I love it." Aki hops up, turning to try and find a perfect spot on the wall for it. "I'm going to show this off to everyone who comes in this house and tell them how wonderful my artist son is and how proud I am of him..."

Aki going on and on about how wonderful his gift is, but Keith had frozen and stopped listening after the word 'son'.

His face goes red, and his whole body feels tingly.

"I love you." He mutters so softly that his foster mother couldn't possibly hear it.

Not that it matters, she already knew.

**Author's Note:**

> I swear that Shiro will be much more present in the next story. He's a busy boy, being a Space Hero and all.


End file.
